We Are Who We Are

Amy Tan is the kind of author that connects with your deep thoughts that you think of at night, during those long English or Biology assignments at 3 in the morning and you wonder, "What exactly am I doing with my life?" "Who am I really?" "What is life?" In Amy Tan's Fish Cheeks, she questions her own identity and finds conflicting problems with her culture. However, it is her mom that helps her to come to terms with her own identity and accept herself as who she is. One message that I interpreted from Fish Cheeks is that family plays a great influence on one's identity.

My mother, for example, is the best mother in the world. She loves me like no other: without her, I would be long dead by now. (Same goes with my father too!) She cooks me delicious foods to eat at lunch, leaving my friends envious of my mother's loving meals (Kunal I hope you see this). Sometimes, however, she really pushes me to do things that she wants and not necessarily that I may want because she believes that it is best for my interests. Yet, she's also not like one of those tiger moms from Amy Chua's Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother. I guess she just cares for me so much that she wants to ensure that I don't choose the wrong path. For example, this morning, we had a discussion about my college future and my college choices. She urged me to go to University of Toronto even though University of Michigan is a much more suitable fit for me in terms of major, quality of education, and location. I think that this is part of Chinese culture, that is, to strongly care for your young and lead them down the right path.

When I look at my Western friends' parents, I feel like they have been brought up in a "do what you want and see for yourself" environment. For example, if an American kid got a B on their test (I'm talking middle school tests), parents would typically express disapproval but not a lot to make the child feel hurt. They would then blame the poor scoring on the teacher and the curriculum in general. However, if a Chinese child got a B (bless his/her soul), then he/she would get scolded because of his/her parents' higher standards for their child. Instead of blaming the school and its system, they would blame it on their child's lack of studying and practice. This is best exemplified from these statistics in Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother, in which Chua demonstrates the differences in Western culture and Chinese culture.

"In one study of 50 Western American mothers and 48 Chinese immigrant mothers, almost 70% of the Western mothers said either that “stressing academic success is not good for children” or that “parents need to foster the idea that learning is fun.” By contrast, roughly 0% of the Chinese mothers felt the same way. Instead, the vast majority of the Chinese mothers said that they believe their children can be “the best” students, that “academic achievement reflects successful parenting,” and that if children did not excel at school then there was a problem and parents were not doing their job (Chua)."

After reading Fish Cheeks and Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother, I realize that identity can be perceived through different lens. Amy Chua's daughters were viewed with delight in the eyes of her piano instructors, whereas others viewed her with horror when they hear of her rigorous daily schedule.These two stories of the differences between Western and Chinese culture have helped me reflect on my differences and come to accept them as it is.